Am I a worse writer than I was 10 years ago?
a thought experiment
I came across a few of my posts on Medium from 8 or 10 years ago when I was more focused on writing personal essays.
For instance…
Those are better than what I currently write.
At least in my opinion. I have a solid emotional connection to both of those pieces, maybe in a way that I don’t now.
But it made me consider the question: Am I a worse writer now than I was 10 years ago?
I’m not exactly certain that I’m a worse writer than I was 10 years ago (you can be the judge!) but, indeed, I don’t write about those type of topics or experiences any more.
This could mean a few things:
I don’t look for “transcendent” type experiences to write about anymore and I’ve fallen into conventional thinking and I can’t get out
My writing has shifted because I generate more writing professionally than I did 10 years ago, which paradoxically, has made me less attuned to using my time to write those type of essays
Funny enough, I also wrote 2 novels within that timeframe which you can also judge
However, it could also mean that I am a worse writer.
Or…that I’m not a worse writer but I perceive myself to be a worse writer.
Or…that I am factually a worse writer and also perceive myself to be a worse writer.
Let me unpack these quickly…
1. I am a worse writer than I was 10 years ago
With this theory, I’m stuck on the idea of the best writers getting deals when they’re in their 20s. Even if that’s the case, that doesn’t mean their best work comes out in their 20s. On average, that looks false.
Let’s look at when some of the top writers produced their best novels.
According to this infographic it spans from Jack Kerouac (age 26 for On the Road) up to George Eliot at age 54.
I’m in my forties so I’m supposedly in the my sweet spot.
I can’t blame my age.
2. I’m not a worse writer but I perceive myself to be a worse writer.
This is hard to judge. I may be creating “better work” than I was 10 years ago, but I feel better about my work from 10 years ago. Perhaps I’m too close to my current production to judge it accurately.
Perhaps the essays of mine I like now I did not like 10 years ago.
I could be in the middle of the Dunning-Kruger Effect, in which people with limited abilities overestimate their capabilities, and those with more established credentials downplay their abilities.
If you’re unfamiliar with the Dunning-Kruger Effect, it looks like this:
There’s a confidence gap between the knowledge that you have and then perceiving yourself as an expert.
Maybe I’m at the bottom of that trough.
3. I am factually a worse writer and also perceive myself to be a worse writer.
This is one of those that will be difficult for me to judge.
It also has to do with the amount of talent and skill I perceived myself to have back then and now, and if I have any talent or skill.
Obviously, I don’t have as much talent as other writers — I’m not the most successful writer.
But, that may indicate more of a scarcity mindset; in reality there’s nothing keeping multitudes away from being talented at writing — there could be an abundant number of talented writers (making money as a writer is a wholly different skill).
That leads to a different point: perhaps I’ve been less focused on improving my writing skills and more intent on improving other skills, and therefore both of my assumptions are correct: I’m a worse writer and my perception is also correct.
Yes, my life is much different than 9 or 10 years ago. I’ve had a family, I’ve had more demanding jobs, and yeah, my interests have changed.
Am I bad now? Was I ever “good”?
It’s really hard to tell. I still write quite frequently, just in a different form and on different topics than I did back then.
Part of why I started this newsletter was because I felt like I wasn’t writing LIKE THIS, in ways that I enjoyed and on topics I wanted to explore more.
If I am a worse writer, I can do something about it.
Keep going-
Josh Spilker
PS: I’m trying to write more in the middle of the week, and then will send a roundup of things I’m reading on Saturday. Please share this if you enjoyed it, cheers!